Can’t help but mention.

I found my blog from high school, and I can’t help but repost (with some minor grammatical edits) these thoughts. May 7, 2011 My front yard is a lot like my heart. I was just picking on it the other day, but while bike riding today (I love my bike) this symbolism popped into my mind. My yard is very green. It is full of dandelions. My yard has all everything it needs to be beautiful and strong, but dandelions pop through and multiply despite all attempts to squash them. They multiply because we don’t use weed killer or tear them out by the root. We just cut their heads off while trimming the rest of the grass, unknowingly spreading their seeds to other areas of the yard. Upon closer inspection there are beautiful little purple flowers scattered through out the yard as well. Patches all around; even around these dandelions. It took me a long while to see them, because some are very apparent and some are covered by the weeds, but now that I’ve noticed I see more and more of them. The dandelions […]

Continue Reading

A real connection.

All I have to do is connect. That’s how to harvest love (the verb, not the emotion). I’m talking the active kind of love that propels you forward and supports you and feels with you and for you. The kind that wants to do more than just survive with you. You know? It’s active and it’s weighty. It starts with a simple connection. A story. Story turns flat to three dimensional. It’s unpredictable & it draws you in. You can not disregard people when you know their story. Stories have this transformative power to take people from being algebra problems to living art. Sharing your story, in length or brevity, is like extending a verbal hand to hold. I think it’s impossible to meet a face and learn about it, then feel entirely void of compassion and intrigue. It’s so personal and vulnerable, and it’s definitely the opposite of simple. I am not a paper doll person — a flat character that waives in the breeze. I am intricate. I am the the sum total of everything that has been so far and I am lined with […]

Continue Reading

Home is a feeling.

Home is a feeling that is warm and familiar. It’s something that you sink into and wrap yourself up in. It’s something you can be, and something you can be in. Home is familiar coffee mugs that are chipped, bearing names of old companies or sports logos from the 1980s. Home is a photo that brings back a memory or gives you a feeling. Home is a hug from someone that you haven’t seen in too long, or haven’t seen for long enough. Home is a song that takes you to another season of life. Home is a mansion, an apartment, a shack, or a house that you’ve lived in your whole life, or one that you’ve walked into for the first time. It’s a friend that knows that you hate tomatoes without needing to be reminded. It’s a place you can say as much or as little as you like, and fall asleep without feeling bad. Home can be more than one thing, or place, or person. It’s an intangible that you carry with you in the way that you walk and talk and […]

Continue Reading

When things are crazy.

Today my life feels intense. Even the small things are high priority. There has been no shutting off my phone this weekend, no breaks, no real downtime at all actually. Everything is an important to-do, most of it is last minute and time sensitive, and all of it is for other people. Being a project manager means that my list is actually based on other people, not just myself. Everything that I do is to grease the wheels between teams — to make sure that everything goes smoothly and gets where it needs to be on time. Making things look is easy is rarely ever easy. I’m actually sitting at a coffee shop with earphones in, but no music playing. That’s how desperate I feel for silence right now. I’m an introvert with a demanding job that I really love, and today feels especially demanding. I have some patterns set up for times such as this that save my butt on the regular and help me stay mostly sane and with it. Get it out. Save your valuable brain space by unloading some clutter. Don’t count […]

Continue Reading

On Cleaning My Closet And Realizing I Am Not Simple Yet.

I have this friend who I swear owns like 20 total pieces of clothing. As a child that was my worst nightmare because I loved/still love to shop. As an adult who does laundry and snoozes my alarm within an inch of it’s life it seems like the answer to all of my problems. She has only what she needs, and she has great style and great instincts so what she does have, she makes count. There is no “but I might wear this someday”. There is definitely no overflowing shelves of free t-shirts that yes, were free, but also are ugly. She is my inspiration. Every once in a while I see her closet and am inspired to clean out my own. Surely I can do that. I can live simple like her. I probably only wear 20 things that I own anyways, and I have no storage in my apartment so I can really use the extra space. Plus, maybe I can sell some of it to consignment stores! Then I have money for more clothes! *cough*vicious cycle*cough* I enter my closet with the […]

Continue Reading

On being resilient, but not adaptable.

God I wish that I could go with the flow just a little better. My heart is pretty free and easy, and I don’t hate the idea of new things, but I am not easily adaptable. As hard as I try to be, I think I’m just really resilient. Change comes at me like a flood and I have one hand over my eyes, the other one bracing for impact. I hit the ground and then I do whatever it takes to spring back into shape. Resilient. I am a teflon person. A lot is changing for me right now. New piercing, new tattoo (more on that later). I have a different car and my job is evolving. Will we move, or won’t we? It’s all so up in the air. my whole life feels like a question mark and I’m trying to bend it back into an exclamation point. But it’s really hard to bounce back from something when you don’t know what you’re bouncing back from. I think it’s great to be an adaptable person, and that it’s okay to be resilient instead. […]

Continue Reading

This Summer.

I learned a little bit more about what it means to be really & truly proud of myself. I made the most out of my travel bug and visited Greenville, Charleston, Asheville, Chicago, Raleigh, & Washington DC on day trips, solo trips, and trips with friends. I saw 2 sets of old friends get married, and I cried because I was happy. I quit bread & sugar cold turkey for 3 months. I got a roommate. I killed every plant I tried to grow. I turned 23, and my little brother turned 21. I witnessed the way that God is moving in Charlotte through Love Week & the Live Recording of our next album. I spent a lot of time at the farmers market and cooking new things. I lost a car & gained a car. (a much better car) I laid by a lot of pools. My mom came to visit. I drank my weight (probably) in iced coffee. I fell in love with my job, and with the people I do it with. I went to the movies & concerts alone just because […]

Continue Reading

23.

I’m 23 now. I’m on the tail end of birthday week and am feeling so full. If celebrating my birthday for a whole week is wrong, I don’t want to be right. Also, if you think that is wrong then I’m glad I didn’t tell you I also celebrated birthday month. I just love to celebrate life and one day is not enough. I have a sneaking suspicion that eventually I will be celebrating so much that birthday week/month will turn into birthday year. My eyes are open to everything around me and I feel like a living testament to God’s faithfulness. I want to lift my hands and jump up and down yelling “if I can do it, you can too!”  On weeks like this, I realize exactly how lucky I am to be here right now. I understand grace just a little bit more — because I am not deserving of the life I’ve been given — and I am determined to make the most of every part of it. Good and bad. I found myself whispering prayers to God so many times this […]

Continue Reading

I am proud.

I am proud of myself. I have worked hard to be strong and get stronger, to set and surpass goals, to be a person of my word and careful how I use them. I have stayed up late thinking about who I’ll be. I’ve cried a few times about how I’m afraid I’ll be known. I’ve fought and prayed and dreamed about my future, and I’ve run into a lot of doors trying to find one that’s unlocked. And I’m proud of who I’m becoming. Even though I frequently wake up a little sad or go to bed frustrated, I love myself. Even when I show the wrong finger to another driver. Even when I forget to forget to get groceries and put off doing laundry. Even when I say the wrong words. Even when I don’t say the right ones. We’re starting a 12 week fitness/nutrition challenge at work. 12 weeks of go as hard as you can and see what happens — set a goal and do what it takes to meet it — intensity and competition. It’s mayhem and I’ve got to […]

Continue Reading

Support.

      I’m not sure if there is any better feeling in this big old world than feeling supported by the people in your life. Support breathes life into relationship. Its presence carries a sense of unconditional love and genuine interest from the people around us giving us freedom to blossom and grow where we are planted. I love coffee dates where passion is shared and new ideas and inspiration take hold. I love when friends make an effort to participate in my life through activities and prayer. I love knowing that when new adventures start I have people cheering me on from across the country. Support is an invaluable aspect of community.       But now I have a confession to make: sometimes (a lot) I think I take more support than I give. Eeek. When my support efforts slip, so do the quality of my relationships. I’m not saying that my relationships are the result of my shortcomings, but I do think that my actions and efforts directly affect how deep the relationship can get. If I’m not encouraging, asking, and acting about/in the […]

Continue Reading